


Twist

by scarletrobins



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heather by Conan Gray, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, Tom is a bit of a dick, Twist by Dizzy, Very brief Cillian Murphy x Reader, hella angst, it gets better though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:28:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27058750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletrobins/pseuds/scarletrobins
Summary: Y/n and Tom had been best friends for a while. She loved to sing, and had finally gained the courage to start singing in public. Obviously she invites Tom to her first show but he blew her off. Again and again he makes excuses and every single time she forgives him. After he misses the most important show of her life, she finds out the real reason behind his excuses and is devastated. With a sudden burst of inspiration she writes two new songs that become instant hits and propel her toward stardom.Things happen, shit hits the fan. Read it.- I say that the Reader wrote the two songs but they are actual released songs.-- Heather by Conan Gray-- Twist by Dizzy
Relationships: Cillian Murphy/Reader, Tom Holland/Original Female Character(s), Tom Holland/Reader
Kudos: 30





	1. How Did We Get Here

**Author's Note:**

> Again DISCLAIMER: The bold words in some chapters are lyrics from actual songs.
> 
> Full credit for those songs goes to Conan Grey for the Heather lyrics and Dizzy for the Twist lyrics.

Y/n smiled softly to herself as she sipped from her iced coffee. She sat up on her chai in a secluded corner, fiddling with her phone as she waited for Tom. 

**T:** _Hey, I'm Here  
_ **T:** _Where are you?_ _  
_

Y/n looked up from her phone and surveyed the coffee shop, heart pounding. Her mouth was dry all of a sudden and she swallowed, throat like sandpaper. He was standing by the door, looking around and she felt her heart flutter. Curse that stupid muscle in her chest. It ruined everything. 

She began waving, trying to draw only his attention. Other people still looked, she still blushed. Tom smiled when he caught sight of her, waving slightly and hopping toward her. She slipped her phone into her pocket and laced her jittery fingers together, resting them on the table. Tom quickly reached the table and leaned down to press a soft kiss to her cheek. It was standard greeting for him, but it always made her heart stutter and pulled a red blush to her cheeks. 

Tom and Y/n had been best friends for a long time. While he was older than her, they both got along like a house on fire. Initially they met when she had turned nineteen. She had come to England after being accepted into college there and quickly became friends with Harrison's sister. She was invited to a small get together with the Osterfields and the Hollands. 

She hit her knuckles softly against the door and hummed quietly to herself, something she liked to do to calm herself. Of course she was nervous, there would be a bunch of people she didn't know all milling about. How else was she supposed to feel? 

The door opened and Harrison smiled down at her, beginning to lead her through the apartment as she offered him a soft smile. In the living room sat an array of people and she quickly realised that she was the only girl there aside from Charlotte. 

"Everyone! This is my friend Y/n," Charlotte introduced, smiling widely as she patted the spot beside her. Y/n smiled, relieved, and began to her spot beside Charlotte.   
"This is Tuwaine," Charlotte gestured to the man in the corner. He smiled brightly and she couldn't help but return it. "That's Sam and that's Harry," she pointed to a pair of boys who were clearly twins, though one had unruly curls and the other had straighter hair. "And that's Tom." 

The most handsome of them all just walked in, definitely related to the twins. He had curls too, but they were softer, falling over his forehead and dangling there. She had to clench her laced fingers together to resist the urge to push the lock of hair back. 

"Oh hello," he smiled softly and came over to her, holding his hand out for her. She shook it softly and blushed bright red when he pecked her cheek.   
"I'm Y/n," she said.   
"I'm Tom, but you already knew that," he giggled, remembering his introduction only moments ago. She couldn't help but giggle herself, his laugh was rather contagious. 

Eventually they had drifted to different corners of the room, though both managed to spare quick hidden glances to one another. At a lull in the night, when the room had gone quiet and everyone had been immersed in their own activities, he had sought her out. 

This private conversation had truly begun their close friendship. She felt comfortable around him, secure enough that even from within her shy personality she was able to flirt with him just a little. He flirted back, and she couldn't help but feel a spark of excitement. 

Then he'd brought up his girlfriend and she deflated slightly. Of course he had a girlfriend, he was a wonderful person, very attractive too, why would someone wait to snatch him up? Never the less, she pushed the thought away, they had only just met anyway. 

They exchanged numbers and met only a day later, frequenting small coffee shops and restaurants over the weekends, and having many long phone calls. Even after the old girlfriend was gone, they continued this way, irrevocably friend-zoned. She didn't mind, at first, moving past her feelings and even confiding in him of her feelings for other people.

Then one night, as she sat at home with a terrible cold, there was a knock at her door, and there he was. A bowl of tomato soup in one hand and a grilled cheese sandwich in the other. Her favourite. He settled her on the couch with her food then cuddled up beside her and put on a Disney movie marathon. 

"Your lungs are already weak, you need to get better if we're gonna go play paintball next weekend." She had only smiled at him and felt her heart burst with love once more. This time it didn't go away. 

He kept her company all weekend, and even the next one when she wasn't well enough to play paintball. All these things he did as a caring and loving friend. But that's all it was. Friendship. 

Now here they were, late afternoon and sat together like they did every Saturday. 

"So, what's up with you?" He asked, sipping from the capuccino that had just been brought to their table. She smiled excitedly, and he could tell she had something important to say. "Well, come on, spill it," he urged.   
"Ok! Ok!" She beamed happily. "So I got a bit of money when I sang at Polly's wedding a few weeks ago and one of the guests owns a bar, and, um, they offered me a job singing every night!" She squealed, trying to keep in control so she would stop hopping in her chair. Tom smiled brightly, eyes crinkling, and gave a small clap.   
"Wow! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!" She blushed and nodded, sipping from her own coffee. "I know you're not good with crowds and being in front of people, but this is good for you. People deserve to see how talented you are, and you deserve that recognition." 

He gave her a sincere smile and she couldn't help but turn red. How could he say things like that and not expect her to fall in love with him? She wondered. 

"How was your week?" Y/n asked in return.   
"Yeah, it was good. Went out with Daisy," he smiled at the mention of his girlfriend, but she could only feel her pain. Her heart shattering and the pin pricks of sadness that always managed to prickle in he hands. She clenched them under the table. 

The whole reason she had been excited about today was because she hadn't seen him in a while. His new girlfriend, Daisy, was keeping him all the time and he had begun to cancel their plans. She felt even more heartbroken at the lack of his presence, because at least when she had him around she had his friendship. 

It wasn't like she was averse to Daisy... except she was. Any time he brought her up she had to fake her smiles and pretend she didn't want to die inside. Then, when the group hung out and he brought her along, she sat quietly in the corner, punishing herself by forcing her eyes to watch them be all cute together, dismissing the people asking if she was ok.

The worst times though, were when she interrupted their alone time together. When she came along on their coffee meet ups or on their weekly dinners. Then Y/n would have to sit there and be third wheel all night till she finally got too sick of it and excused herself early. 

Sometimes she wondered if he could tell she acted different when Daisy was there, but then he'd always act normal and remind her that he was too engrossed in Daisy to even notice that she was even there. That thought was good for dampening the spirits.

"Hey, sorry, but I have to skip out on dinner tonight," Tom told her, apologetic look in his eyes as she felt her heart drop once more. 

'Please don't say it's Daisy related, please don't say it's Daisy related,' she repeated in her head, desperate not to feel completely downtrodden. 

"I promised Daisy I'd take her out," he finished, and of course, the inevitable happened, her heart broke once more. 

She nodded giving him a small smile to show it was fine, though it was far from it. She wanted to say "why would you promise for tonight? This is the same night we have dinner every week," but instead she gulped down her coffee and began to stand up, fake excuse on the tip of her tongue to make herself feel better. 

"Where are you going?" He asked before she could open her mouth, frowning at her.   
"I'm glad you have plans 'cause I have a date tonight," she silently thanked god for her amazing drama grades in school.   
"Oh really? With who?" Tom asked, getting up himself and putting his jacket on, frown not having left it's place.   
"Cillian," she replied quietly, blurting the first name that came to her mind. She wanted to face-palm the next second.   
"Cillian? As in your ex-boyfriend Cillian? As in the man 20-something years older than you?" He asked incredulously, stopping right in his tracks.   
"Yes," she replied indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest.

How much was she really willing to push this lie? She argued with herself. 

"As in the guy who broke your heart because his schedule never let you guys see each other? That Cillian?" He continued to question, though she knew he already knew all of this and his motives with this line of questioning.   
"It wasn't that bad," she dismissed nonchalantly, though she could literally taste the lie.   
"Excuse me? 'Wasn't that bad'?! I seem to remember you sobbing in my arms and not eating for three days straight. Not that bad my ass." He angrily huffed as they continued toward the door. 

Right before Y/n's feelings for Tom had become full blown, she had met a man by the name of Cillian Murphy. He was an actor, pretty famous too since he acted in one of her favourite shows. He was quite a bit older than her, but they had hit it off straight away and quickly fallen in love. Then he got more acting jobs and was away for such long periods of time and she couldn't handle it anymore. They broke up and he quickly went from being the man she thought she would marry to the man who broke her heart. 

Both Tom and Laurie, her best friend, had had to help her through her heart break which was difficult and took forever. 

"It's fine Tom, we've both changed, and it's perfectly alright for us to meet."   
"But you called it a date." He pointed out as they began walking down the sidewalk.   
"So?" She questioned, gulping slightly.   
" _So_ , you don't need to be dating him again."   
"It's fine Tom! I can handle myself, buuut I have to ask you something anyway," she diverted.   
"What?" He grumbled.   
"Will you come to my first gig?" She stopped by her car as he nodded frantically.   
"Of course!"   
"Great! Next weekend, eight p.m. Don't be late," then she drove off. 


	2. Revisit The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use lyrics from Comfort Crowd and Affluenza by Conan Grey in this. 
> 
> All credit for those lyrics goes to him.

Y/n stood by the bar as she tapped her fingers nervously. She would be going on in a minute, and there was no sign of Tom. He was late. The drummer looked to her and smiled reassuringly, knowing how nervous she was. She smiled back at Jonah and downed the last of her tea before going up to the small stage. 

"Hello everyone, I'm Y/n, and we're doing the entertainment for tonight. I hope you enjoy," she smiled at the light applause before looking back to Jonah who nodded and began. 

" **This hurt that I'm holding's gettin' heavy, but Imma keep a smile on my shoulders till I'm sweaty, beggin on my knees screamin' someone come and help me, but by the time their there I've already hid the body.... I just needed company now,"** she closed her eyes as she immersed herself in the music, swaying slightly as she enjoyed every note. 

Everyone in the bar stopped to listen, mesmerised by the beautiful sound. Her singing filled the quiet of the room and when the song ended the room was quiet for a moment .She looked out over the crowd fearfully, but then the bar filled with loud hoots and cheers and screams for an encore and she could only laugh. 

"Alright! Alright! Give us one moment to set up for the next song and we'll be back in a jiffy." 

She smiled at the crowd when she caught sight of a familiar looking jacket. Her heart raced and she stared at the man's face intently through the glaring spotlight, only to notice he was a blond. Goddamnit, she thought ,stepping off the stage to order another cup of tea. 

She came back on and waited for the music to start up again. 

" **Mommy's got a new man. And daddy's got a new mansion to keep. He never really calls back, cos he's got too many finances to reap. Money, money, ain't it funny, honey, when you get what you need baby life is a breeze. Money, money, gimme money, money, till I'm bloody bloody. All these kids have got affluenza,** " she once more lost herself in the music, using her love for it to distract from the nerves and the sadness she was feeling. Thank god it worked. 

The rest of the night was very fun and she couldn't help but beam when the crowd objected to her leaving. 

As she pulled her red leather jacket on, she checked her phone and saw that there were no messages, at least no messages from the person she wanted them from. With a sigh she put her phone away and began out of the bar, ready to cry herself to sleep. 

****

She got a few messages the next day but she didn't look at them. Didn't dare open them for fear she would forgive him. She didn't want to forgive him, not for this. He knew how important this was to her, and he bailed. 

Y/n lay back on her bed and stared at the ceiling. What was wrong with her? Why did she inherently fall for people she couldn't have? 

After telling Tom the lie about Cillian she had actually considered calling him up and meeting him. Maybe if she could be with the only other man she had ever loved, she would forget all her feelings for Tom. She had pulled up his contact, stared at the picture of them kissing, the small smile on his face as he held her close. She brought her finger up, ready to press the button. But she stopped herself. Looking at the picture, at his handsome face, all she could feel was heartache. All the pain he had unintentionally caused her. All the nights she had spent crying because he was away from home again. With a sigh, she had dropped her phone and gone back to being pathetic. 

Now here she lay, same position as before, but this time she pressed the blue button. She brought it to her ear, breath shaky and waited for him to answer. It rung once. Twice. 

"Hello," he said, Irish accent ringing clear through the phone. He knew it was her, she could hear it in the way his breath trembled. She closed her eyes and gulped.   
"Hey," she said, trying to sound nonchalant but it came out sounding sad and teary, just like her in that moment.   
"Y/n," he said, and she didn't know she could miss the way someone said her name.   
"I'm sorry," her tears began to spill and she sniffled. "I'm sorry for calling.   
"No, no, it's alright," he reassured her, worry on his mind as he could clearly hear her sadness. He didn't want to let his own shine through.   
"I just, I was just thinking about you the other day and... I don't know, I missed you." She let out. 

Cillian smiled softly and shook his head. 

"I was thinking about you too," she could hear the smile in his voice and couldn't help her own.   
"I wanted to talk. I need to get stuff off my chest and you're the only one I wanted to talk to," she said with a sigh, turning to lay on her stomach.   
"What's wrong?" He asked and she smiled at the beautiful Irish accent.   
"Can I say everything?" They both chuckled and it felt like old times again.   
"Ah, you're being dramatic, I'm sure at least one thing is going well," he dismissed her.   
"My job is, but that's about it," she sighed. "I'm singing at a bar now, it's really good. It's called The Garrison, you should come by sometime," she said softly.   
"Finally followed you dreams," he spoke through the phone and she only replied with a soft 'yeah.' 

They were quiet for a few more minutes. 

"What's wrong?" He asked again, but this time she was more serious.   
"I... there's someone who i care about but recently," she said hesitantly, pausing. "They've been hurting me-"   
"If they're hitting you, come over right now and I'll call the police," he said frantically.   
"No! No! Nothing like that, honestly they don't even know I care about them in that way," she sighed.   
"Is it Tom?" He asked, voice suddenly somber. 

She gulped. How did he know? 

"How- um, how did you know?" She asked, sitting up, putting him on speaker and dropping it in front of her. He chuckled and she relaxed slightly.   
"After we broke up, Laurie called me and went on a rant for an hour about how I was a huge dick and how Tom was a much better person for you to be with. Honestly, I agreed with her, you would be better off with him, and I knew that one day you would probably fall for him." He explained to her, Y/n frowned and glared at her phone.   
"Really? You predicted my feelings before me?" 

Cillian could hear the anger in her voice and clenched his eyes shut as he shook his head. He didn't mean to make her mad. 

"Sweetheart, I didn't mean it like that," he argued, wanting to jump through the phone and be with her. "..." he was silent for a moment before saying his piece. "Look Darling, I never got over you," he told her, rubbing his forehead because of the sharp gasp she let out.   
"Cillian... I-"   
"I know I shouldn't be telling you that after how hard it was trying to get over you but... then you called and just, I don't know." He sighed over the phone and she bit her lip.   
"Can I come over?" She whispered, already knowing it was a bad idea, already knowing she would end up heartbroken.   
"Yes," was all he said before she was hanging up the phone, pulling on her shoes, and running out the door. 


	3. Fuck Off Laurie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use lyrics from the song Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens and The Boy I Love Is Up In The Gallery by Marie Lloyd 
> 
> All credit for those lyrics goes to them

After Y/n had left Tom at the coffee shop, he had called Laurie. 

"Hey Tom."   
"Hey Laurie, listen I think something's going on with Y/n," he said instantly, worry laced clearly in his voice.   
"What do you mean?" She asked, frown of confusion clear even over the phone.   
"She's going on a date."   
"I'm sorry, I don't see a problem here," Laurie explained.   
"She's going on a date with Cillian," he emphasised, shoving his free hand into his pocket as he began to walk.   
"Oh. OH!" Laurie exclaimed, jumping up. "What the hell?! When? What even?!"   
"I know! She told me she's going out with him tonight. I tried talking to her but she brushed me off," he sighed and shook his head.   
"Oh god, when she brushes things off it means it's serious," Laurie sighed angrily.   
"Yeah, I know, that's why I called you. Laurie... I can't see her go through that again. I can't..." he closed his eyes again but quickly remembered he was walking.   
"I'll call her-"   
"Don't do it tonight! Let her have some time to cool off," Tom quickly interjected.   
"Alright, fine, but I'm worried about her. Do you remember how she was last time?"   
"Yeah."   
"Oh god," she sighed. 

****

His hands were warm as they gripped her sides under her shirt. She ha missed that feeling so much, the bruises, the warmth, the assurance. His lips moved hungrily against hers as she cupped his neck, his cheek, pulled him closer till they were pressed together. His warmth, his firmness, the beautiful familiarity that made all her old feelings come rushing back. 

He pulled away from her lips, pressing his forehead to hers, breathing her air, clutching her close. He moved his hands till he was grabbing her by the thighs and hoisting her into his arms. 

"Can we sit? Just for a little while? I-I wanna just hug you for a while," he asked, pressing his face into her neck and holding himself there.   
"Yes, of course," she breathed, holding him tight. She needed this, needed him, even if it was just for now. 

Cillian sat down on the couch, leaned back, and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned forward and set her face on his neck, breathing in the scent of his freshly washed shirt. 

"I missed this," she mumbled, and they sat there for fifteen minutes. Then her phone rang. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I'll leave it be."   
"No, it's ok, answer it," Cillian said, pulling his arms off her and smiling encouragingly. 

She could only offer him an apologetic one in return before answering the phone. 

"Hello?"   
"Hey, it's midday, why do you sound sleepy?" Laurie asked. Y/n sat up on Cillian's lap and cleared her throat.   
"Oh, no reason, um, just big lunch." She cleared her throat again and saw the smirk on Cillian's face, shooting him a glare.

He sat up and began placing wet, open-mouthed kisses against her neck, smirking when he felt her gulp and smack his arm. 

"So can you talk?" Laurie asked, sounding firm which confused Y/n.   
"Uh, I guess," Y/n mumbled back, looking quizzically at Cillian.   
"Tell her you're busy," he whispered, going back to laving her neck with marks.   
"Are you with someone?" Laurie asked, sounding almost accusatory.   
"No, it was just the TV, I was rewatching Peaky Blinders," she lied easily, hitting him on the arm when she felt his smirk against her neck. He bit the sensitive skin and she gasped.   
"What? What's wrong?!" Laurie frantically asked, but Y/n just pinched Cillian.   
"Nothing, sorry, just killed someone on the show," she sighed, acting as normal as she could when she could feel his warm hands running up her back and unhooking her bra.   
"Haven't you seen that show like ten times? Whatever, doesn't matter, I'm actually glad you brought it up. Um, Tom called me the other day and told me about Cillian" Laurie began a little hesitantly. 

Y/n let out an angry sigh and pushed back from Cillian, his sad sight and puppy dog eyes making her bite her lip. 

"I don't give a shit what he has to say to you, I'm mad at him," Y/n hissed down the phone, running her hand up Cillian's thigh, smirking when he let out a shaky breath.   
"Why? What happened?"   
"Well, the fucker ditched me a bunch over the past month and then yesterday, one of the most important days of my life, he didn't show up and didn't even give me an explanation." She huffed and gripped Cillian firmly, rubbing him up and down as he tried to (unsuccessfully) quiet his groans.   
"Oh, but I thought you had feelings for him?" Laurie inquired, making her clench hr eyes shut and move closer to Cillian.   
"I can't deal with that anymore, it-it hurts too much and it's... it's just not worth it anymore." Y/n sighed, "plus, he has a girlfriend, I won't be disappointed and hurt again."

She smiled when Cillian opened his eyes and then let out a breathless chuckle, too lost to hear her. 

"And what? You think you won't be heartbroken by going back to Cillian?" Laurie asked angrily, ready for an argument.   
"No, truth be told I don't know what I'm doing, but all I know it that it's making me happy for now." Y/n was ready to end the conversation and get back to her man, who she could tell was beginning to get impatient.   
"You're just gonna get hurt."   
"Well that's my problem!"   
"Not when I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces!"   
"Well if you don't like it this much, you don't have to! You don't have to do anything else friends do either!" She shouted down the phone, standing up and moving away from Cillian, the mood completely dissipated.   
"Y/n..."   
"No. I've lost two friends this weekend." 

Then she hung up the phone and dissolved into tears just as Cillian was ready to catch her. 

****

Departing from him was easier the second time around (surprisingly). They both knew it could only end in heartbreak again which, in a way, made it easier to part ways. She left Cillian's house with a soft smile, though the argument did play in the back of her mind. 

How could Laurie not trust her to make her own decisions? Friend rule number one was trust, which, apparently, Tom had forgone in the course as well. 

Just as she reached home, her phone began to ring. 

"Hello?"   
"Y/n! Hey! I've been calling and texting all day, where were you?" 

Y/n could feel all the anger rushing back, all the tumultuous heartache. She could feel it rushing in her speeding veins, clawing at her, making the urge to scream that much harder to swallow down. 

"I've been ignoring you," she said blatantly. "In fact, I'm gonna keep doing that," and just as she pulled the phone from her ear, he began to shout.   
"Wait! Wait! Please, let me explain! Y/n? Hello?!"

He was frantic, and she could tell it was sincere, so with a sigh she pulled her phone back to her ear. 

"What? What excuse could you possibly have for missing one of the most important nights of my life, that I wanted to share with my best friend." She huffed, slamming her door behind her.   
"Darling, please, I feel so bad, just listen to me, he begged, and she could only let out a sigh again.   
"Alright, say you piece."   
"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I really wanted to come, but I got sick during the day and spent the rest of the night throwing up," Tom told her, and her heart dropped. 

It was quiet for a moment. 

"Tom I'm so sorry! I got mad at you for no reason- I-I feel so bad, oh god," she smacked her head against her door. Tom let out a breathless chuckle, and she shook her head. "God, I feel so bad. Do you need yoghurt or something? I can come by, I'm already dressed." She turned and pressed her back to the door.   
"No, it's ok, I'm just gonna rest. When are you singing next? I'd love to be there," there was the sound of a door opening on his end and the ruffling of sheets.   
"Well I'm singing tonight and to-"  
"Hey, Daisy's here, I gotta go, bye," and the call cut off without a second thought.   
"-morrow," she sighed, pulling her phone away from her ear and walking further into her apartment. 

****

Y/n smiled as she stood in front of the mic the next night. He still wasn't there. He knew this time, she had made sure to text him. She hadn't gotten any reply yet, and it was time for her to sing. 

She was wearing one of her favourite outfits, a black dress with sunflowers on it. It swayed with her movements as she sang and made her feel beautiful. 

"Hey everyone, how's it goin'?" She asked, bright smile on her face. There were whoops and cheers from the crowd, which was much larger than last time, and she nodded. "Great! Well, I'm very happy to see you all! Now, we have some great music, I hope you enjoy it!" 

The lights dimmer and she cleared her throat, closing her eyes as the music began to play. 

" **The boy I love is up in the gallery, the boy I love is looking down at me. There is, can't you see, waving his handkerchief, merry as a robin, singing in a tree.** " The crowd clapped loudly as the song finished and she smiled brightly, stepping off stage to finish her cup of tea. 

"Hey, how's it going?" Jonah asked, rubbing a towel over his sweaty hair. She. smiled at him over her teacup.   
"Goin' good, you were up there, weren't you?" She teased, nudging him. He wrapped a sweaty arm around her before she squealed a complaint and wriggled out.   
"Hey," came a voice from beside them, and Y/n turned to see Laurie stood there.   
"Oh," was all Y/n said before turning on her heel and going back to the stage, Jonah close behind her. 

" **Oh to see without my eyes, the first time that you kissed me. Boundless by the time I cried, I built your walls around me. White noise, what an awful sound,** " she sang as she gave her away. 


	4. Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here are the lyrics from Twist by Dizzy and Heather by Conan Gray

This time he had at least sent a text beforehand. He was cancelling because of Daisy. 'Daisy didn't want to go to a bar, the next night it was 'Daisy wasn't feeling well.' Excuses and excuses every night till she couldn't bear it anymore. She had to talk to him, scream at him, do something to find out why she didn't matter to him anymore. 

****

She pulled up outside his house and got out slowly, heart pounding, nerves twitching. Why was she so nervous? She was the one in the right, he should be cowering in fear. Y/n walked to his door, pacing slightly, and just as she raised her hand to knock on the door, his laugh came floating through the air. She looked up to his open window and stepped back, ready to scream out when she was stopped right in her tracks. 

"Oh don't worry about that, I'll just fake something. Feeling kind of feverish, maybe a stomach bug? Haha, she'll be busy singing she won't miss me!" Y/n felt her heart break in that moment, clawed to pieces by his bare hands. 

Y/n backed away from the door, almost falling over as she stumbled to get to her car. She had to get away, get home, go somewhere away from this wretched person she used to call her friend. How could she ever love someone who didn't care at all about her? How could she ever love such a vile person? 

Tears spilled from her eyes and she began to drive, trying to run from her sadness, unsuccessfully. She felt like she was suffocating, and drove home. 

****

Y/n had been writing. She had been writing all day and night and came out of it with two beautiful songs. Jonah had even come over and helped with the music. She was gonna sing it tonight. 

Y/n had quickly realised she needed to get over Tom. She couldn't just mope around because one horrible idiot broke her heart. So, she ignored all his texts, and got to writing. Writing helped her best. 

****

"Hey everyone! How's it going?" The crowd whooped and cheered, it was larger today, and she smiled brightly. "That's great! Ok, today we have two original songs that I wrote with the help of the best drummer in the world," she turned to Jonah with a smirk, the crowd giggling along with her as Jonah tipped his drumstick in her direction. "Alright! Let's start!" 

The beat began and she took a deep breath. " **Thought I saw you at the show last night. Blurred my eyes just, to keep you around,** " she closed her eyes and gripped the mic, swaying to the music. " **But when the audience comes into focus, I beat myself up for feeling let down.** " She opened her eyes, hoping they weren't as wet as they felt. " **Thought I saw you on the go last night, followed you through, the cars westbound, but as I gain on you I turn around, there is nothing to say or talk about,** " she gripped the mic tighter. " **There's a hole that's inside of my chest, in the place of a heart, in the shape of your fist. Show me the moves, you're the ventriloquist, yeah you gave me a twist. Yeah you, gave me a twist,** " she sang her heart out and gripped the mic tight, finishing the song with tears in her eyes. 

There were people crying in the crowd and she couldn't help but feel proud that her song made people feel such emotion. The next song began and she pushed some hair back, readying herself for the next song. 

" **I still remember, third of December, me in your sweater, you said it looked better on me than it did you, only if you knew, how much I like you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by, what a sight for sore eyes, brighter than a blue sky, she's got you mesmerised, while I die,** " she closed her eyes and belted out the song, mesmerising the audience with the beautiful melody. 

Each verse, each beautiful lyric floated over the air and she allowed herself to get lost in the music. 

Once the song ended, the crowd screamed and cried, and she couldn't help but wipe her own tears away. All the support, the crowd, everything felt rather euphoric. 

****

Y/n sipped from her tea as she took her break, allowing the warm liquid to soothe her throat. 

"Excuse me?" Someone tapped her shoulder and she turned to see a woman in an official-looking suit.   
"Yes?" She offered her a smile and the woman shot out her hand.   
"Hi, I'm Karlie from Johnson and Acres management. I would like to represent you." Y/n's eyes widened and she choked on her tea.   
"I'm sorry, what?" She asked through coughs, looking at the woman incredulously. Karlie let out a breathy laugh and pulled a business card from her pocket.   
"We are a talent agency, and I believe that I could get you a record deal if you can sing those two songs for a few producers." Karlie smiled brightly and Y/n could only stare at her. "Is that a yes?"  
"Yes... Yes! Yes, of course!" Y/n shot up from her seat and shook Karlie's hand, taking the business card from her and beaming. 

She ran back to the stage and gave Jonah the news, on the verge of excited tears. She didn't think she could be this happy again. She sang her heart out the rest of the night. 

****

Y/n rubbed her hands on her jeans nervously, looking to the record execs after her song ended. 

"Wow," was all they said before breaking out into a round of applause. She beamed at them and let out a relieved breath. 

This was really happening! All of this was really happening! She almost couldn't believe it. The record executives had already signed her and now she was preparing for the biggest show of her life. Everything was happening but... she felt a little empty. She had already made up with Laurie so that couldn't be it. She didn't want to think about what it actually was. She had promised herself she wouldn't, but she couldn't help the smallest nagging feeling. Y/n shook it off and continued rehearsing, knowing she shouldn't be wasting time on that. 

T: **Hey, we haven't hung out in a while.  
** T: **Do you wanna do something tomorrow night?**  
T: **Dinner? Cheesecake Factory? 6?**

Y/n stared at the phone for a moment before scoffing. Tomorrow was the night of her first big concert. This douche knew nothing about her. Another malicious idea popped into her head and she couldn't help feeling satisfied. He was about to get a taste of his own medicine. 

Z: **Sure, see you there**

He had seen the message and now all she had to do was put her phone away and enjoy her night. 

****

Tom tapped his foot angrily on the floor as he waited for her to arrive. Checking his watch for the gazillianth time led him to find out that she was now a half an hour late. He sipped his ice water but even that couldn't cool him down. Where was she? She hadn't even called or texted! 

Tom felt pathetic sitting there by himself, waiting on someone who probably wasn't even gonna show up. He waited another half an hour before getting up and storming out. He was going to get to the bottom of this. He missed his friend, he wanted to talk to her, hug her, or at least just see her again. 

Tom drove all the way to her house. He pressed the bell but all that he heard was the ring echoing through the house. He pressed it twice more before jabbing at it in frustration. The bell just rung and rung, mocking him and aggravating him even more. 

"ARGH!" He kicked the door then stepped back, breathing heavily as h leant against his car. He had cleared his whole evening, which meant he would wait here as long as it took. He would wait till the sun rose again and nothing would stop him from it. 

Y/n smiled to herself as she drove home, the rush from the concert still alive within her. She could almost hear all the people cheering, asking for another song. She could see their tears as she sung her heart out. Heather playing through the speakers, Twist mesmerising the crowd. She couldn't even believe how amazing it was. Her skin tingled and she had to stop herself from giggling giddily like a child on a pony. 

As she pulled into her driveway, she noticed a car already parked to the side, someone leaning against the side. She parked her car and got out slowly, a confused frown on her lips. As soon as she recognised who it was, the rush from earlier left her body and she clenched her hands into fists. She walked toward her door but he was there soon enough, and he was angry. 

"What the fuck," he stated angrily, but she only ground her jaw.   
"What?"   
"Is that all you have to say? 'What?' Are you kidding me? You totally bailed on me tonight!" He shouted, and she could feel her anger rising. She scoffed, loud and malicious, making Tom step back and frown at her.   
"You're getting mad at me? You?! The audacity!" She shrieked, trying to push past him, but Tom gripped her arm to stop her.   
"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked, planting himself in front of her door.   
"You have no right to be mad at me for bailing on dinner! No. Fucking. Right. You have been bailing on coffee meets, and dinners, for the past few weeks. You bailed on the most important night of my life and I found out that you lied to me. Did you know I got a record deal? Did you know that I had a concert tonight? My first one ever? At a huge venue too?"

She raised her eyebrows too and crossed her arms over her chest, giving up on trying to push him out of the way. 

"I-"  
"No, you're an awful person. I can't believe I fell in love with you. I-" She paused, eyes widening when she realised what she had said.   
"What?..." he breathed out, staring at her with wide eyes. 

She could feel the tears prick the corners of her eyes and she took his moment of confusion as a good distraction to push him out of the way. He stumbled and she quickly unlocked her door, needing to run away. She needed to hide, get away from him, find some way to run from her mistake. 

"Wait..." but she slammed the door and locked it, sobs beginning to fall from her mouth as she slid to the floor. Knocks hit harshly against the door but she didn't answer. She couldn't answer. 

Tom stood at her door, staring at it intensely, willing it to open. It didn't. He wanted to keep banging, pull it open, talk to her about it. How could she love him? When did she even start loving him? And the concert... how could he miss that? How was he such a horrible person to the one he cared for most? 

Tom sat in his car and drove home in a daze, not knowing what to do. He felt so lost, so angry. Tom couldn't bare any of it. As soon as he sat on his bed, he got a text from Harrison. 


	5. "THE REASONS WHY I LOVE YOU"

Tom sipped from his whiskey, clenching his eyes shut as the burning liquid slipped down his throat. Hard times called for hard liquor. He wanted to get drunk, wanted to escape into the ecstasy of not caring, but he couldn't. He couldn't get blackout drunk because he needed to feel the heartache, needed to know he could think of something to make it better. To think of something that would make up for all the shit he had done, and tell her that he loved her. 

Tom's phone buzzed and he groaned, thunking his head against his bar before grabbing his phone. There was a message from Harrison filled with a bunch of exclamation marks and 'Y/n.' He pulled it open and saw that it was a video of her sat on a stage. She was blushing and smiling and gripped the mic as she began to sing. 

" **Thought I saw you at the show last night. Blurred my eyes just to keep you around, but when the audience comes into focus I, beat myself up for feeling let down. Thought I saw you on the go last night, followed you through, the cars west bound, but as I gain on you I turn around there is, nothing to say or, talk about.** " She looked so beautiful, in her element. She looked almost ethereal, glowing under the lights. 

" **I still remember, third of December, me in your sweater, you said it looked better, on me that it did you, only if you knew, how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, she's got you mesmerised. While I die.** " 

Tom's eyes began to water. He remembered that exact day. She had looked so cute in his sweater. It was too big on her and the sleeves covered her fingertips. She had been smiling so broadly all snuggled up on the couch. How had he gotten so lucky? He thought, shaking his head. He remembered how Daisy had wanted to throw that sweater out. It was the one thing they had argued about. That sweater was too important to him. 

Tom could feel tears collect at the corners of his eyes and groaned again. He needed to do something, anything, to prove his love. He had to remember her. 

****

Y/n opened her door, ready to forget the night before and meet up with Laurie when something touched her foot. She looked down at a plain black box. There was no label, no name, nothing to identify why it was there or who it was from. With a delicate hold, she picked up the box and brought it inside, staring at it critically.

She finally opened it, flipping the top over and staring into the box. A small music box rested peacefully on top of an envelope. It was a beautiful deep blue with gold vines and leaves detailed all over. She gently opened it and a small ballerina began to turn. Clair De Lune rang through the air as the ballerina turned. Y/n lifted the music box out of the black box and picked up the envelope. Her hands shook slightly and she closed her eyes, taking in the music. 

_You love this song. You always have._

_You deserve this happiness,_

_and I won't stop_ _till I give it to you._

There was no name on the note but she knew who it was from. Even a child would know who it was from. She could feel her heart melting but the pain was too fresh. It was too early to forgive him, however much she wanted to. He had to do a lot more to get her back. 

Y/n sat down on the bar stool and listened to the music box, losing herself in it. Even when it stopped playing she sat there, unmoving. 

****

Tom stood in front of the store with Harrison. 

"So how many should I get?" Tom turned to Harrison as he nipped at his lip nervously.   
"Start with two, buy more later?" Harrison asked, frowning in thought. Tom sighed and nodded, walking into the store and beginning to rifle through the records. "You're an asshole, you know that right?"   
"Yes, I know, but I'm trying to un-asshole myself," an old woman glared at him as she walked by but he just brushed it off. "I need to fin this 'Palo Santo' album for her. She loves that album and having that record will make her so happy." 

The cover finally popped into view and he grabbed it, holding it close to his chest. 

****

Y/n placed the record on the player and set the spindle on the edge. The song's beat began to thump in the room and stared at the note. 

_Please don't be over me_

She set it down beside her and laced her fingers together, feeling her heart warm again. He had gone and bought her one of her favourite albums. What was he trying to prove now? How much he cared? That he actually cared? That he... loved her?

Y/n pushed some hair behind her ear and smiled down at her hands. Maybe this would turn out well, wipe the slate clean. 

****

Tom knew she slept in on Sundays but she went out to do groceries right before sunset. So he waited till she was putting the supplies away in the kitchen, then set up the screen and the projector. He was praying this would work, that all the small gifts from the music box and the records to the flowers and limited edition books had paid off. 

When he saw her bedroom light turn on, he began throwing the stones. Y/n heard a few small pings at her window and walked over. She looked out at her front yard and saw the large screen. Music began to play and and she faintly recognised it as a CYN song. She opened the window and leant on the sill, staring down as Tom smiled up at her. Black flashed onto the screen and in big white letters it said: 

**THE REASONS WHY**

**I LOVE YOU**

She felt her cheeks turn red and she leaned farther out over the windowsill. The slide moved and there was a picture of her building a sandcastle at the beach.

"Your smile in the most beautiful sight i the world, but my favourite look on your face is when you're concentrated. You're so determined all the time, and while that can sometimes be detrimental, you always succeed." 

A watery giggle fell from her lips and she blinked back tears, continuing to watch the show. Tom smiled brightly up at her and the slide changed. 

This time it was a picture of her pouting while in full paintball gear. She was covered in paint and held up her middle finger at Tom behind the camera. A laugh fell from her lips as she looked at the picture then at Tom. 

"Even when you do fail - and let's be real, you failed miserably that day - you look absolutely adorable." 

'Jerk!' She mouthed down at him, laughing along with him. 

"I love that even your failures don't get you down, because soon enough you are back on that horse. Just like how you were back at the paintball park a few weeks later, ready to be annihilated by team Tom." 

She gasped and showed him the middle finger again, but Tom only laughed and continued on. 

The next picture was her curled up on hr couch, Tom's sweatshirt looking all big and puffy on her. She had a red nose and puffy eyes and she had been crying. A small groan left her lips but Tom kept smiling. 

"This is a picture from right after we watched Me Before You together." Another picture popped up and she was mid sob, tears shining on her cheeks. "This is after we watched The Boy in The Striped Pajamas." Another picture of her crying. "This is after Atonement." Another picture. "This is after Glass." Another picture. "And this is after we watched I'm Not Here. You are the sweetest person I know and the fact that you feel such empathy even for fictional characters makes me love you more." 

She could feel the tears well in her eyes and she quickly wiped the strays away. The slide changed and this time it was a picture of her laughing unabashedly with a bunch of the Avengers cast. Sebastian had an arm slung over her shoulders, RDJ was cackling and Tom was chuckling away with Chris Evans. 

"You had been so nervous that day that you almost didn't go. But you forced yourself to do something that made you uncomfortable and it turned out amazing. I love that you try to do things that scare the shit out of you. And now look, you're part of an Avengers group chat and regularly hang out with your heroes."

She giggled and nodded, watching him with all the love she could muster in her eyes. 

Tom continued with the slideshow, telling her all the things he loved about her and how sorry he was. 

Tom looked up to the window, ready to finish off the slide show, but she wasn't there. The window was closed and the lights were off. He felt his heart drop. Was this the end? Was she really finished with him already?

But then the door was opening and she was running at him. Her arms wrapped tight around him as he swung her around, heart in total bliss. He felt warm and mushy inside, the smell of her vanilla lotion invading his nose. 

Y/n loved the feeling of his hug. The firmness of his body pressed to hers, the way he gripped her so tight as if he were afraid she might never hug him again. He always smelled fresh and like Tom. There was no other way to describe it. 

He pulled away and stared at her face, running his hands up and down her sides. 

"You're forgiven," she told him, smiling brightly. He mirrored it, though his had a touch of disbelief.   
"Really?" He clutched her tighter and she smiled and nodded, hugging him tighter. He pulled away and kissed her. 

It was long overdue, and they could both feel the bloom of warmth it brought between them. It was like it sealed the deal, the acceptance of their love. The acceptance of _each other's_ love. The forgiveness and everything in between. Y/n pulled away, chest heaving and hands trembling. 

"I love you, you know?" She said, sounding breathless and far away.   
"I know," he whispered, kissing her again. 

They eventually sat down on the two chairs he had put out in front of the screen. A movie began to play, Iron Man 3, and she laughed. Eventually she moved to sit on his lap, hugging him close. He occasionally pressed kisses to her head, rubbing her arms and basking in the moment. It was beautiful, and absolutely everything he had ever wished for. 

"I'm gonna marry you some day," he whispered, staring down at her shining eyes in the moon light.

She pressed her lips to his gently, deepening the kiss as a cool breeze brushed over them. The movie kept playing, cars drove down occasionally and eventually house lights began to switch off. 

"I can't wait," she whispered. 


End file.
